He is just not that into you!!!!

There is a book with this title that they turned into a movie.  That was time I will never get back.  It was a chick flick and had its moments but not something I would advise anyone to see.  It did have a few good points. So that is the topic of this blog.

Sex

Having sex can be a big plus or negative. Men and women feel very different concerning this issue.  It’s a plus when both parties are on the same page, it’s a naturally progression.  When either party is not feeling the same it could put a big monkey wrench in the program.  Men and their egos could be bruised and leave them feelings that the sex wasn’t up to par. For women who tend to take things more emotionally it can be a blow to their self esteem.  Especially if she felt the vibe to venture down that road to get the later conversation she’s moving too fast.  Which makes her rethink and wish she could take back the whole act?  Not to say she didn’t want to do it.  It just later leads to regret.  The regret is greater when the sex happens quickly.  Making her feel she made the Rookies mistake of having sex too quick. Especially knowing nine times out of ten men will not turn it down if offered. Even if he has absolutely no feelings for her whatsoever.  Or knows he doesn’t share her feelings at all.  This is the part that disgusts me is women have to hold onto their sexuality for fear of being label a tramp.  A man can lay with women, like he is a dog in heat and they are considered him a player.

Women have to guard their feelings like they are a deer about to be eaten by a lion. Men on the other hands take their conquests and leave the woman in emotional pain with no regards to their feelings. I have to say I have been the victim of this.  Being told everything I wanted to hear until what they wanted they got. Then all of sudden the B.S. I was fed to accomplish his goal all of a sudden is not how he truly felt. A lot of these men have mothers, aunts, sisters, and daughters that they would be very upset if they were treated in this manner.  They do not hold themselves up to the same standards as the men that could enter into the people they care about lives.  I had a man try to cover the deceit of being sexually satisfied with he isn’t ready for a relationship. Which was very interesting because with our countless conversation it sounded to me that’s all he wanted was a relationship.  Now if he didn’t want a relationship with me that would have been fine.  It was interesting to find out this news after the sexual activity and me withholding sex after I felt him back tracking. The three month rule has been out there for a long time. Steve Harvey even mentions it in his book. I have to say I haven’t stay true to the rule. Sometimes you have to have egg on your face to realize its value. I am not saying that every relationship wear sex comes in quick will go downhill. In fact I know that not to be the case in some circumstances. But if you are the woman who really cares about someone and has sex with them thinking you are on the same page you might think about that rule and what you would do if he flips the script on you.

It is funny I was talking to a guy who had a different level of standards for his son then his daughter.  Teaching boys it is ok to have sex and girls it is an issue. I wanted to say “who did he think his son was having sex with.”  Now if we taught girls that it wasn’t an issue would we be having women singing songs about busting windows out of cars?  These boys are having sex with someone’s daughter. His daughter can also be in the lion’s den for the boys or men that would do the same thing to her. Probably the same den he has taken many women to himself.  Girls these days are having sex more quickly and more often.  Stories of sex parties and STD’s being are spread in rapid proportion with this new generation is incredible.  It is a product of telling these boys that conquests are ok.  A girl also thinking that having sex is no big deal is not helping either.  I cannot say if this man daughter will have sex early or not.  I do not know what her future entails. It shows something of his character that to me it didn’t seem that he taught his son or himself to treat women the way he would have wanted his daughter treated. I will say I have no idea what he taught his son but with his actions it didn’t reflect in his own conduct so all I can do is assume.

Kicking Disclaimers

I feel these lines are the get out of jail free card. When two people are at different stages in a relationship.  It’s a clear sign when certain subjects come up.

  • We are Moving too Fast
  • Any References to being Friends
  • We should continue to date other people
  • Conversation about meeting their dream person, and you can tell they are not talking about you
  • I am not ready for a relationship
  • I don’t have time for a relationship

When any of these things happen, be concerned if it’s someone you are really into.  All these things are disclaimers for a reason to leave the relationship when they are ready.  They might not want to leave the relationship but wants to slow you down which could be for several reason. Such as they really weren’t that into you and wanted to keep you around.  Or you are  someone they wanted to keep around because they like you enough and want a way back in if they change their minds.  That is why when this happens to me my next line is “if you happen to change your mind do not call me back.” I am sick of people coming back after they hurt your feelings in whatever way and want a second chance.  It has happened to me several times and they all get the answer “hell no”.  When someone wants to toss you aside and get rid of you with as less drama as possible these are the lines frequently used. Instead of being honest to the true reason which could tarnish their character. A lot of people do not want to be known as a bad person even if they do bad things.

Labels

Girlfriend and boyfriend are labels to reaching a certain point in a relationship. Some never define the relationship after a while it’s clear you hit that stage.  Other times it’s not said, but one person feels this stage has been reached even though the other person does not. Not being on the same page can really lead to hurt feelings. I’ve seen when one person believes they are in a relationship and the other persons dating other people. If every confronted it’s easy to say we never made this exclusive. Some people use the label to get what they want.  I feel these labels need to be discussed not assumed. If you are not clear what that means to each party you can be hurt later.  Believe me been there!!!

Effort and Time

When someone is not making time for you that is a clear indication your relationship is on the rocks. Especially if spending time with you was not a problem before.  Usually they don’t call like they use to. They are busy every weekend which use to be time designated for you.  This might be the time to reexamine your relationship. I was told by many men they make time for what they want.  They also could be taking you for granted and thinking you would never leave so spending time isn’t a priority.  All this goes into what you choose to deal with. They also could be spending your time with someone else. Every situation is different but if you use to have a mate and now you have someone that drops in and out it sounds like problems are ahead.

Conclusion

I have to say that my biggest complaint here is treating someone the way you want to be treated.  I know that doesn’t happen a lot and it is a nice thought.  Taking someone’s feelings in to account should not be so difficult. Especially if you put yourself in the good person category. I guess as I said in a prior blog good is a relative term. For anyone who gets jilted I would advise don’t ask for an explanation especially when it is done under shady circumstances. You do not need to be in the business of convincing anyone one to want you.  It just show you who that person really is.  Thank god for the knowledge and move on to someone who will treat you how you are worthy to be treated. Do not give that person any power over your self-worth.  For all those shady characters what goes around comes around tenfold.

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December 20, 2009. Tags: , , , . Cheating, Dating, People Relations. 2 comments.

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